I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
