Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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