I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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