My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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