I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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