Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
