didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he was CRYING into my vagina
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
