I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
