I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
