I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
