yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
