He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
