He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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