I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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