just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
