I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize