Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
