A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
