I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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