just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
