i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
