She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
