Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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