No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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