You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
