im six kinds of drunk right now
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
