I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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