"it" just moved
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
