i love accidental penises.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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