i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
