She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I could make wine with my vomit
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize