True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
