I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
do nipples grow back?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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