The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
