So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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