Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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