and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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