Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
