Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
