i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
