yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
