and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
