I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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