Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
