literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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