If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
