so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Randomize
