oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
