AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
