Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Having a random hookup so left but love u
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
