I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
