I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
dude. I can hear the air.
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