I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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