im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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