I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
