You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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