i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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