I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
