I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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