tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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