Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
