I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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